The Crossroads Choice: Resolution or Wise Intention?

It's January 2nd, and I'm willing to bet you've already broken at least one New Year's resolution.

How do I know? Because by January 2nd, approximately 25% of people have already abandoned their resolutions. By January 8th, that number climbs to over 40%. And by the end of January? 80% of resolutions will have failed.

But here's the thing I want you to understand: That's not YOUR failure. That's the failure of the entire concept of New Year's resolutions.

Let me explain why - and offer you something radically different.

The Problem With Resolutions: They're Built on Shame

I want you to think about the last New Year's resolution you made. Really think about it.

Where did it come from?

If you're honest, it probably came from one of these places:

• "I'm not thin enough"

• "I'm not productive enough"

• "I'm not disciplined enough"

• "I'm not [fill in the blank] enough"

See the pattern? New Year's resolutions are almost always rooted in the belief that you're not enough as you are.

They're built on shame.

And here's what neuroscience tells us about shame-based goal setting: It doesn't work.

The Neuroscience of Why Resolutions Fail

When you set a goal from shame, your brain registers it as a threat. Your nervous system interprets "I need to change because I'm not good enough" as "I'm in danger."

And what does your brain do when it perceives danger? It activates your threat response - fight, flight, or freeze.

Fight: You white-knuckle your way through your resolution with willpower and force. This works... for about 2-3 weeks. Then you burn out.

Flight: You avoid the whole thing. Procrastinate. "Start Monday." Never actually start.

Freeze: You feel paralyzed by the gap between where you are and where you think you should be. So you do nothing.

None of these states are conducive to sustainable change.

But there's another way.

Enter: Wise Intention

Wise intention is different from resolution in every possible way.

Resolution says: "I'm broken. I need to fix myself." Wise intention says: "I'm whole. I'm choosing to align with my truth."

Resolution says: "I should do this because everyone else is." Wise intention says: "I'm choosing this because I KNOW it's right for me."

Resolution says: "I'll use willpower to force myself." Wise intention says: "I'll use wisdom to guide myself."

See the fundamental difference?

One comes from shame and external pressure. One comes from knowing and internal truth.

My Perimenopause Awakening

I want to share how I learned this distinction.

For 30+ years, I made New Year's resolutions like everyone else. Every January, I'd set elaborate goals:

• Lose 15 pounds

• Exercise 5 days a week

• Be more productive

• Get up at 5am

• Drink more water

• Eat cleaner

• Read more books

• Be a better person

Sound familiar?

I'd charge into January with military-level discipline. I'd track everything. Measure everything. Force myself to comply.

And by March, I'd crash. Every single year.

I thought I was weak. Undisciplined. A failure.

Then perimenopause arrived.

Suddenly, my body stopped responding to force. I couldn't override my exhaustion with willpower anymore. I couldn't push through. I couldn't perform my way to health.

At first, I doubled down. I made MORE resolutions. I tried HARDER.

And my body said: "No."

It was the most profound no I've ever experienced. My body simply would not cooperate with my forcing anymore.

I was furious. Devastated. Convinced I was broken.

But slowly - so slowly - I began to understand: My body wasn't broken. It was teaching me.

It was teaching me to stop performing and start listening. It was teaching me to stop forcing and start flowing. It was teaching me to stop fixing and start honoring.

And from that listening came something revolutionary: Wise intention.

How to Set a Wise Intention (Hecate's Way)

Here's the process I use now, rooted in the wisdom of Hecate, the Crone goddess who stands at crossroads:

STEP 1: Stand at Your Crossroads

Imagine you're at a crossroads where three paths meet. (You are - every moment is a choice.)

See the three paths before you:

Path One - The Familiar: This is what you've always done. Your default patterns. The known way. It feels safe because it's familiar, even if it doesn't actually serve you.

Example: Continuing to diet and restrict food because that's what you've always done, even though it's never worked long-term.

Path Two - The Expected: This is what others want for you. What society demands. What you "should" do. This path is paved with external validation and internal exhaustion.

Example: Setting fitness goals based on Instagram bodies rather than what your actual body needs.

Path Three - The True: This is what you KNOW is right for you. What your body wisdom, soul wisdom, lived experience tells you is TRUE. This path might not look impressive to others. It might not make sense to anyone else. But it's YOURS.

Example: Honoring that your body needs rest more than another workout right now, even if that's not what fitness culture says.

STEP 2: Check Your Motivation

For any intention you're considering, ask:

Where is this coming from?

• Shame or wisdom?

• External pressure or internal knowing?

• "Should" or "know"?

• Performance or authenticity?

If it's coming from the first column, it's a resolution. If it's coming from the second column, it might be wise intention.

STEP 3: Listen to Your Body

Place one hand on your heart, one on your belly.

State the intention out loud: "I intend to [X]."

Then notice:

• Does your body relax or tense?

• Does your breathing deepen or constrict?

• Does it feel like expansion or contraction?

• Does it feel like truth or performance?

Your body knows the difference between forcing and flowing.

STEP 4: Test It Through the 5 Facets

A wise intention honors ALL aspects of your being, not just one:

Spiritual: Does this align with my soul's truth? Physical: Does this honor my body's actual needs? Mental: Does this come from clarity or noise? Emotional: Does this honor my feelings or try to fix them? Energetic: Does this protect my life force or deplete it?

If your intention fails any of these tests, it needs refinement.

STEP 5: Make It WISE

Once you've identified what's true, refine it to be:

W - Whole-Person Aligned: Honors all 5 facets I - Internally Motivated: Comes from your knowing, not external pressure S - Sustainable: Can be maintained without force or depletion E - Embodied: Feels true in your body, not just your mind

Examples: Resolution vs. Wise Intention

Let me show you what this looks like in practice:

EXAMPLE 1: Physical Health

Resolution: "I'm going to lose 20 pounds by doing HIIT workouts 5 days a week and cutting carbs."

Why it fails: Built on shame ("I'm too fat"), uses force (HIIT when your nervous system is already stressed), unsustainable (especially during perimenopause when high-intensity exercise can actually worsen hormone imbalance).

Wise Intention: "I will honor my body's need for gentle, consistent movement and nourishment that supports my changing hormones."

Why it works: Rooted in wisdom (body's actual needs), uses flow (gentle movement), sustainable (can do this long-term), honors perimenopause reality.

EXAMPLE 2: Productivity

Resolution: "I'm going to wake up at 5am every day and be more productive."

Why it fails: Built on shame ("I'm lazy"), forces unnatural rhythms (not everyone is a morning person), ignores actual energy patterns.

Wise Intention: "I will honor my natural energy rhythms and focus my time on what truly matters to me."

Why it works: Rooted in self-knowledge (your actual rhythms), allows flexibility, focuses on alignment rather than performance.

EXAMPLE 3: Self-Care

Resolution: "I'm going to meditate for 30 minutes every single day."

Why it fails: Often comes from "should" (what spiritual people do), sets up all-or-nothing thinking, becomes another obligation.

Wise Intention: "I will create moments of sacred stillness that reconnect me to my truth."

Why it works: Rooted in purpose (reconnection), flexible in form (can be 2 minutes or 20), focuses on quality over quantity.

EXAMPLE 4: Relationships

Resolution: "I'm going to be a better friend/daughter/partner and give more to others."

Why it fails: Often comes from guilt or "should," leads to depletion, ignores your actual capacity.

Wise Intention: "I will direct my energy toward relationships that are reciprocal and life-giving, with clear boundaries around my capacity."

Why it works: Honors your actual energy (especially crucial during perimenopause), sustainable, protects your wellbeing.

Special Note: Perimenopause, Menopause & Wise Intention

If you're in perimenopause or menopause, this distinction becomes even more critical.

Your body is literally changing. What worked at 25 doesn't work at 45 or 55. Your energy is different. Your needs are different. Your capacity is different.

This is not failure. This is wisdom.

When you set resolutions based on who you used to be or who you think you should be, you're fighting against your body's transformation. You're trying to force a system that's reorganizing itself.

But when you set wise intentions based on who you actually ARE right now - with your changing hormones, shifting energy, and deep body wisdom - you work WITH your transformation instead of against it.

Your body is teaching you to:

• Rest more (not because you're lazy, but because rest is productive now)

• Say no more (not because you're selfish, but because your energy is sacred)

• Move differently (not because you're declining, but because your needs have evolved)

• Eat differently (not because you lack willpower, but because your metabolism has changed)

• Live differently (not because something's wrong, but because you're becoming who you truly are)

This is Crone wisdom. This is Hecate's teaching.

And setting wise intentions from this place? That's when real, sustainable transformation happens.

Your Practice This Week

I'm going to give you a simple practice for this week. Don't set any intentions yet. Just explore.

DAILY PRACTICE (5-10 minutes):

Each morning, before checking your phone:

1. Sit somewhere comfortable

2. Place one hand on your heart, one on your belly

3. Take three deep breaths

4. Ask yourself: "What do I know today?"

5. Listen without forcing an answer

6. Journal whatever emerges

Do this every day this week.

Don't try to set intentions yet. Don't try to make decisions. Just listen.

The Crone will speak when you create space to hear her.

JOURNALING PROMPTS:

Explore these questions throughout the week:

• What resolutions did I used to make? Where did they come from?

• What do I actually KNOW is true for me right now?

• Where am I still listening to "should" instead of my deep knowing?

• If I trusted myself completely, what would I choose?

• What does my body need that I'm not giving it?

• What does my soul crave that I've been ignoring?

The Invitation

Here's what I want you to know:

You are standing at a crossroads every single day. Every moment is a choice between:

• Performing or being authentic

• Forcing or flowing

• Fixing or honoring

• Shame or wisdom

Hecate - the ancient Crone goddess - stands at your crossroads holding two torches. She lights ALL the paths so you can see them clearly.

But she doesn't tell you which path to walk. That's your choice. Your power. Your sovereignty.

The cultural New Year screams: "Fix yourself! Change! Transform! BE BETTER!"

The Crone whispers: "You're not broken. Choose what's true. Trust your knowing."

Which voice are you listening to?

In December, you rested and listened in the winter darkness.

Now in January, you stand at the crossroads with torches in hand.

Choose your path.

Not from shame. Not from "should." Not from pressure.

From KNOWING.

This is wise intention. This is the Crone's gift to you.

You are the Keeper of your own Keys.

Use them.

Next Week on the Blog: "Hecate's Wisdom: Why the Crone Doesn't Make Your Choices for You"

We'll dive deeper into working with Hecate energy, creating your crossroads ritual, and how to discern your true path when all the options look confusing.

Comments? Questions? Insights?

I'd love to hear from you. What resonates? What challenges you? What are you discovering at your crossroads?

Drop a comment below or email me at hello@centeringjourney.com

With Crone wisdom and fierce love,

Jen

Related Posts:

• December: Winter Wisdom Journey (Brigid, Cailleach, Holle)

• November: Holding Both - Gratitude and Grief

• October: The Sacred Fire of Transformation