Hecate's Wisdom: Why the Crone Doesn't Make Your Choices for You

And why that's the most powerful gift she could give

I'll never forget the moment I stood in my therapist's office, tears streaming down my face, and said: "Just tell me what to do. Please. I can't decide anymore. You decide for me."

I was 48 years old. Deep in perimenopause. At a major crossroads in my life. And I wanted someone – anyone – to make the choice so I wouldn't have to.

My therapist looked at me with such compassion and said something I'll never forget:

"I could tell you what to do. But then it would be my life you're living, not yours."

I was furious. FURIOUS. Because I wanted the easy answer. I wanted the guarantee. I wanted someone who KNEW to just point me in the right direction so I could stop carrying the weight of the decision.

But here's what I understand now, years later, standing on the other side of that crossroads:

The most loving thing she could have done for me was refuse to choose.

And this is exactly what Hecate teaches us.

The Pattern: We Want Someone to Decide

Before we go further, let's be honest about the pattern most of us share:

We don't trust ourselves to make important decisions.

Oh, we can decide what to have for dinner. We can handle small, low-stakes choices. But when it comes to the big stuff – career, relationships, life direction, how to navigate this transition – we want someone else to tell us what to do.

We want:

• The expert who knows the "right" answer

• The authority figure who can see what we can't

• The friend who will validate our choice

• The sign from the universe that's unmistakable

• The guarantee that we won't fail

We want Hecate to stop illuminating the paths and just TELL US which one to walk.

And when she doesn't? We feel abandoned. Lost. Like she's withholding something essential.

But here's what we're missing: Hecate's refusal to choose for you IS the teaching.

The Sovereignty Lesson: You Are the Keeper of Your Own Keys

Let me tell you about Hecate's most important symbol: the keys.

In ancient imagery, Hecate appears holding keys – sometimes one, sometimes many. These aren't just any keys. They're the keys to the mysteries. The keys to the underworld. The keys to hidden knowledge. The keys to your own truth.

And here's the crucial part: She doesn't unlock the doors for you. She gives you the keys so YOU can unlock them yourself.

This is sovereignty.

Not someone saving you. Not someone choosing for you. Not someone carrying you.

Someone handing you the tools and saying: "You have the power. You know the way. Trust yourself."

But we've been conditioned our entire lives NOT to trust ourselves. Let me explain how this happened.

How We Lost Our Inner Authority

Think about your upbringing. Think about how you were taught to make decisions.

As girls, we learned:

• Don't be selfish (your needs don't matter as much as others')

• Don't be bossy (your authority isn't welcome)

• Don't be too much (your power threatens people)

• Don't trust your body (it will betray you, lead you astray)

• Don't trust your emotions (they're irrational, unreliable)

• Don't trust your intuition (it's not as valid as logic)

We learned to look OUTSIDE ourselves for answers:

• What do my parents think I should do?

• What would my partner prefer?

• What does society expect?

• What would people think?

• What does the expert say?

• What's the "right" answer?

And we learned to doubt our own knowing:

• "Am I sure?"

• "What if I'm wrong?"

• "Maybe I'm just being emotional"

• "I probably don't have enough information"

• "I should ask someone who knows better"

This is cultural conditioning. And it's DEEP.

By the time we reach midlife, we've spent decades looking outside ourselves for validation of what we already know inside. We've become experts at ignoring our own wisdom in favor of everyone else's opinions.

And then perimenopause arrives.

Perimenopause: The Forced Reclamation

Here's what nobody tells you about perimenopause: It won't let you perform anymore.

You can't pretend. You can't people-please. You can't push through when your body says no. You can't maintain the facade when your energy is depleted.

Perimenopause burns away:

• The ability to override your body's needs

• The energy to care what others think

• The willingness to sacrifice yourself

• The tolerance for inauthenticity

• The capacity to live someone else's life

And this feels like falling apart. Like losing yourself. Like a crisis.

But what if it's actually the opposite?

What if perimenopause is your body's way of forcing you to reclaim your inner authority?

Think about it:

When you're exhausted, you HAVE to say no. You can't perform "yes" anymore.

When you're in pain, you HAVE to listen to your body. You can't ignore it anymore.

When your emotions are intense, you HAVE to feel them. You can't suppress them anymore.

When your energy is limited, you HAVE to prioritize. You can't do everything anymore.

When your tolerance is gone, you HAVE to set boundaries. You can't be nice to everyone anymore.

Your body is doing what your mind couldn't: It's FORCING you back to yourself.

This is the gift. This is the initiation. This is why Hecate appears at midlife.

Because now – NOW – you're finally ready to hold your own keys.

Reclaiming Your Inner Authority: Practical Steps

So how do you reclaim this authority? How do you learn to trust yourself again after decades of looking outside?

Here are the practices I've used and taught to hundreds of women:

1. Start With Small Decisions

You don't start by making life-altering choices based purely on intuition. You start small.

Practice:

• What do you want for breakfast? Don't think. Just notice what your body wants.

• Do you want to take a walk or rest? Check in with your body, not your "should."

• Do you want to call that friend? Notice your genuine yes or no.

Make 5-10 small decisions a day based purely on what YOU want, not what you think you should want.

Notice what happens. Do you feel guilty? That's conditioning. Do you second-guess yourself? That's habit. Just keep practicing.

2. Distinguish Between Thoughts and Knowing

Thoughts sound like:

• "What if..."

• "Maybe I should..."

• "But they might think..."

• "I'm probably wrong..."

Thoughts are LOUD. They loop. They argue with themselves. They create scenarios. They seek outside validation.

Knowing sounds like:

• "Yes."

• "No."

• "Not yet."

• "This way."

Knowing is QUIET. It's certain. It doesn't need to explain itself. It just IS.

Practice: When you're trying to make a decision, notice which voice you're listening to. The loud, looping thoughts? Or the quiet, certain knowing?

The more you practice distinguishing between them, the easier it becomes to trust your knowing.

3. Ask Your Body, Not Your Mind

Your mind can rationalize anything. Your mind will talk you into things that aren't true and out of things that are.

But your body? Your body knows.

Practice: Place your hand on your heart. Take three deep breaths. Ask your body:

• "Is this true for me?"

• "Do I want this?"

• "Is this my path?"

Notice the physical response:

• Expansion or contraction?

• Warmth or cold?

• Energy or depletion?

• Yes or no?

Trust what you feel before what you think.

4. Honor the "I Don't Know Yet"

Sometimes your inner authority says: "I don't know yet. We need more time."

And that's VALID. That's wisdom.

You don't have to decide everything right now. Sometimes the most powerful choice is to wait until you're clear.

Practice: When you're stuck, instead of forcing a decision or asking someone to decide for you, say: "I don't know yet. And that's okay. I'm waiting for clarity."

Then give yourself permission to NOT decide until the knowing arrives.

5. Notice Where You Give Your Power Away

Pay attention this week to how often you:

• Ask for permission when you don't need it

• Seek validation for choices you've already made

• Apologize for having needs or preferences

• Explain your decisions defensively

• Change your mind based on others' reactions

Each time you notice, ask: "Am I giving my power away? Can I choose differently?"

6. Practice Receiving Your Own Wisdom

This is the most important practice:

Every time you know something – even something small – HONOR IT.

Don't second-guess. Don't ask five people for their opinion. Don't talk yourself out of it.

Just receive your own wisdom as VALID.

Example: You know you need to rest. Instead of:

• Asking your partner if it's okay

• Feeling guilty

• Justifying it to yourself

• Doing just one more thing first

You simply say: "I'm going to rest now" and do it.

This is how you rebuild trust with yourself. By keeping promises to yourself. By honoring what you know.

Creating Your Personal Crossroads Ritual

Now let's get practical. Let me teach you how to create your own crossroads ritual at home – a sacred practice for working with Hecate when you're facing a decision.

What You'll Need:

• Three pieces of paper or index cards

• A pen

• A candle (white or black is traditional for Hecate)

• Three stones or crystals (can be the same kind or different)

• A quiet space where you won't be interrupted

• 30 minutes

The Ritual:

1. Create Sacred Space (5 minutes)

Light your candle. Take three deep breaths. Say out loud:

"Hecate, Guardian of Crossroads, Keeper of Keys, I call upon your wisdom tonight. Illuminate my paths. Help me see clearly. Guide me to my truth. I am ready to choose."

Place the three stones in front of you in a triangle, representing the three paths at the crossroads.

2. Name Your Paths (10 minutes)

On the first card, write: "THE FAMILIAR PATH" Underneath, describe what staying on your current path looks like. Be honest. No judgment.

On the second card, write: "THE EXPECTED PATH" Underneath, describe what following others' expectations looks like.

On the third card, write: "THE TRUE PATH" Underneath, describe what your soul's truth looks like (even if it scares you).

Place each card next to one of the stones.

3. Walk Each Path (10 minutes)

Physically stand up. Move to the first stone/card (Familiar Path).

Stand there. Read the card aloud. Notice what happens in your body. What does this path feel like? What's the gift? What's the cost?

Move to the second stone/card (Expected Path).

Read it aloud. Feel it in your body. What does this path offer? What does it require?

Move to the third stone/card (True Path).

Read it aloud. Notice your body's response. Fear? Excitement? Rightness? Resistance?

4. Return to Center (3 minutes)

Come back to your central position. Close your eyes. Place your hand on your heart.

Ask: "Which path is mine to walk?"

Listen. Don't force an answer. Just listen.

When you have your answer (even if it's "not yet"), thank Hecate. Thank yourself for being willing to look clearly.

5. Choose (2 minutes)

Pick up the card that represents your true path (or write "I'm waiting for clarity" if that's your truth).

Say out loud: "I choose [this path]." Or "I choose to wait until I'm clear."

Place your hand on your heart and say:

"I am the Keeper of my own Keys. I hold the power to unlock my truth. I trust my knowing. I choose my path."

Blow out the candle. Keep the card somewhere you'll see it daily as a reminder of your choice.

Important Notes:

• You can repeat this ritual as many times as needed

• The answer might not come the first time – that's normal

• Sometimes you need to walk all three paths for a while before choosing

• Trust the process even when it's slow

When You're Truly Stuck: Asking for Reflection vs. Answers

There's an important distinction I want to make: I'm not saying you should NEVER seek outside guidance. Sometimes we genuinely need support.

But there's a difference between asking for REFLECTION and asking someone to DECIDE for you.

Asking for answers sounds like:

• "What should I do?"

• "If you were me, what would you choose?"

• "Tell me what's right."

• "Just tell me which path."

This gives your power away. This makes someone else responsible for your life.

Asking for reflection sounds like:

• "Can you help me see what I'm not seeing?"

• "What patterns do you notice in what I'm saying?"

• "Can you mirror back what you heard?"

• "Will you hold space while I think out loud?"

This keeps your power. This uses others' wisdom to illuminate YOUR wisdom.

The key difference?

When asking for reflection, YOU still make the choice. The other person is just helping you see more clearly. They're acting as Hecate does – holding up the torch so you can see, not walking the path for you.

How to ask for reflection:

1. Choose someone who respects your autonomy

2. Be clear: "I'm not asking you to decide. I'm asking you to help me see clearly."

3. After they reflect, check in with your body: Does this resonate? Does this help?

4. Thank them for the reflection, then TRUST YOURSELF to choose

Working With Fear, Doubt, and Uncertainty

Here's what no one tells you: Even when you reclaim your inner authority, you'll still feel fear. You'll still doubt. You'll still experience uncertainty.

The difference? You'll know these feelings are INFORMATION, not OBSTACLES.

Fear is Information

Fear tells you:

• This matters to you

• This requires courage

• This is unfamiliar territory

• This is important

Fear isn't a reason NOT to choose your path. It's often confirmation that you're choosing the RIGHT path (the one that challenges you to grow).

Practice: When you feel fear, thank it. "Thank you, Fear, for showing me this matters. Thank you for trying to protect me. I hear you. And I'm choosing to move forward anyway."

Doubt is Information

Doubt tells you:

• Take your time

• Gather more information if needed

• Check in with yourself

• Don't rush the process

Doubt isn't a sign you can't trust yourself. It's sometimes your wisdom asking you to slow down.

Practice: When you doubt, ask: "Is this doubt protecting me? Or is it old conditioning trying to keep me small?" Listen for the answer.

Uncertainty is Information

Uncertainty tells you:

• You're in transition

• You can't know everything in advance

• Some things reveal themselves as you walk

• Faith is required

Uncertainty isn't weakness. It's the natural state of transformation.

Practice: When you feel uncertain, say: "I'm walking into the unknown. I don't need to see the whole path. I just need to take the next step."

The Ultimate Truth About Sovereignty

Here's what I've learned about reclaiming your inner authority:

You were never broken. You were just trained to ignore your own wisdom.

And perimenopause? Perimenopause is your body's fierce love saying: "It's time. Time to come home to yourself. Time to trust what you know. Time to hold your own keys."

Hecate doesn't make your choices because SHE CAN'T. Only you can. Only you know the texture of your life. Only you feel what you feel. Only you know what's true for you.

And that's not a burden. That's your POWER.

You are not weak for needing to choose. You are powerful BECAUSE you get to choose.

You are not lost because you don't know everything. You are exactly where you need to be.

You are not failing because you're uncertain. You are becoming.

You are the Keeper of your own Keys.

And every day, you get to choose: Will you unlock the door to your true path? Or will you keep waiting for someone else to choose for you?

This Week's Practice: Daily Sovereignty Claiming

Every morning this week, before you get out of bed:

Place your hand on your heart.

Say out loud: "I am the Keeper of my own Keys. I trust my knowing. I honor my wisdom. I choose my path."

Then ask: "What's one small way I can honor my authority today?"

Listen. Trust. Act.

By the end of the week, you'll feel different. Steadier. More certain. More YOU.

Because sovereignty isn't something you achieve once and keep forever. It's something you practice daily.

It's choosing yourself, over and over again.

It's trusting your knowing, even when it scares you.

It's walking your True Path, even when others don't understand.

This is Hecate's gift. This is the Crone's wisdom.

You are ready. You have always been ready.

Now go claim your keys.

Your Turn

I want to hear from you:

Where in your life are you giving your power away by asking others to decide for you?

What would change if you trusted that YOU hold the keys?

What's one small decision you can make today based purely on your own knowing?

Share in the comments or email me. I'm holding space for your sovereignty.

And if you need support reclaiming your inner authority – especially during this perimenopause transition – that's exactly what my coaching is designed for.

My 4-Month Transformation Program helps you:

• Rebuild trust with yourself and your body

• Distinguish between conditioning and knowing

• Make choices from your center, not from fear

• Navigate your crossroads with clarity and confidence

  
  

Schedule a free discovery call and let's talk about reclaiming your power.

You've got this. You've always had this.

The Crone is with you.

With fierce faith in your sovereignty,

Jen

P.S. Try the crossroads ritual this week. Don't overthink it. Just do it. See what happens. Trust yourself enough to try.